I’d Like to Return My Education, Please

They say that education is the one thing that no one can ever take away from you.  It’s true too.  But what’s also true is that I would gladly give back my education if it would erase the mound of student loan debt that I’ve accumulated.  

I was a late bloomer, there’s no denying that.  After getting an associate degree I still wasn’t getting very far in the corporate world.  During one particular interview the interviewee asked me if there is anything I regret about my career choices.   I don’t remember how I responded, but she apparently didn’t like my answer because when the interview was over she told me that a “good” response to that question would be that I regretted not getting my bachelors degree. 

She had a point.  Everyone I knew in the working world had some sort of degree.  The president of the bank I’d worked for had a degree in geography and the vice president had a degree in history.  My former mentor and boss, a vice president of marketing, had a degree in English.  So, six months after that fateful interview I went back to college full time.  

In 2008, at the age of 38 and just as the economy was crashing, I graduated from a private university with a BA in English.  I thought this was a good solid degree; it shows that I know how to think, how to write, and communicate in a logical manner.  

It got me a job making exactly $3,000 more a year than I was making before I went back to college. 

It’s okay, I told myself, everyone has to start somewhere and there’s no place from here but up.  Wrong again.   

After two and half years on the job my position was reduced to part time and my salary plummeted by $8,000 a year.   

Again, I told myself, chin up, girl.  At least you still have a job – that’s more than a lot of people can say right now.  Uh, wrong again.   

After a year of working part time I was laid off.  I’ve been without a job for seven months now.   

That’s seven months that my student loans payments have been deferred.  Compounding interest.  

It seems that while I was busy trying to play the corporate game by their rules, they changed the rules.  Simply having a bachelor’s degree is no longer good enough.  It needs to be specialized and, frankly, you really need a master’s degree as well if you want to get ahead. 

Well if you think I’m going back to school now to get a master’s degree you’re mistaken.  I already have enough student loan debt, thank you very much.  If only I’d simply kept that job I was ultimately offered even though I didn’t have my college degree.

 *sigh*   

Facebook and Politics and Opinions – Oh My!

Recently a friend asked me why I hadn’t written a blog post in a long time.  Until asked I hadn’t really given it much thought.  It definitely isn’t because my financial situation has vastly improved, that’s for sure.  No, the answer was a bit more cynical than that.  The answer, it dawned on me, is because I’ve come to see these posts as otiose. 

Everyone wants to believe that their voice matters.  You don’t have to look far to see that – just log onto Facebook and take a stroll through your news feeds.  My guess is that you’ll find plenty of friends sharing how bummed they are that it’s Monday, or who want you to know that they had an awesome weekend.  More than a few of my friends feel that what they’re having for dinner that night is important to share.  Every.  Single.  Night. 

The last few days I’ve noticed an influx of copied and pasted status updates (or, as I like to call them, “I can’t think for myself” updates akin to the “Status Shuffle” app updates) celebrating Florida and Kentucky for their new legislative policy of drug testing welfare recipients.  I don’t know ifFloridaandKentuckyhave actually implemented such a plan and I don’t plan to find out either.  Why not, you ask?  I’ll tell you; because it doesn’t really matter any more than what I (or anyone else) ate for dinner last night.  In my opinion, drug testing people who are applying for government assistance is a little like putting a single band-aid on a person who is suffering from multiple gunshot wounds.  It’s not going to fix what’s really wrong with our country. 

We’re broke, people.  Our country is in financial ruin and it’s our political leaders – democrats and republicans alike – who put us there.  Making matters even worse, those same leaders do not care what we, the tax paying citizens, have to say about the situation.  That is, unless of course you’re one of the Koch brothers and you can afford to pour millions of dollars into a little nonprofit called Americans for Prosperity.  (Yes, that’s sarcasm you detect.) 

The truth of the matter is that congressional representatives are going to dance with whoever brought them to the dance.  That is to say that they do not serve “We the People,” they serve those who funnel billions of dollars into their campaigns.  And those are the same people who also direct billions of dollars into lobbying groups who perpetually have the ears of those we supposedly elected.  I don’t know about you, but there are months when I can barely afford to pay my mortgage payment let alone spend any of my hard earned money trying to get a congressperson to listen to me. 

So don’t expect me to “like,” let alone spread, the “good news” aboutFloridaandKentucky.  Because I’ve come to believe that my opinion on the topic doesn’t really matter to the people who matter.

My Head versus My Heart: A Health Care Conundrum

When my boss told me that my job was becoming part-time I panicked.  For about five minutes.  Quickly; however, I realized that this was an opportunity.  As I’ve stated before, I have a good job with a great organization.  Still, it’s not my dream job.  So, I took what seemed like a setback and used it as a chance to follow my heart.  And, almost immediately, I started working on my manuscript. 

Creative nonfiction writing is my forte.  Writing a novel is not.  Of course, that’s not going to stop me from trying.  Just because it’s more difficult for me than pounding out, say, a blog post doesn’t mean that I can’t do it. 

These last six weeks, as I’ve settled into my new routine (which is really more of a non-routine, which I love), I have found myself to be less stressed and – dare I say it – happier.  I am reminded of the years when I was going to college.  I worked part-time while going to school full-time and I was broke all the time.  But I was happy.  Truly happy.  As it turns out, money really doesn’t buy happiness.  So what does?  Perhaps it really is following your heart – following your dream. 

 Then came the request.  A mere six weeks into my newfound freedom to follow my heart my boss has given me the option of adding another day to my work week.  What this means is that I will again be working enough hours to qualify for benefits through my employer; including health insurance.   

 This is good news, right?  Well, it also means that I will have one less day to write.  I will still have one day a week that I can dedicate solely to writing AND I can have health insurance.  My head is telling me to focus on that anyway.  My heart is singing a different tune.  My heart is reminding me that, even with two free workdays a week I still barely have time to truly focus on my writing.  Even as I write this I find myself checking my work email sporadically to make sure that something doesn’t slip through the cracks.  It’s hard to disconnect from my paid responsibilities – I feel an obligation.  And, to be honest, I care about my job. 

But I care about my dream too.  And dedicating another day a week to my paying gig makes me feel like I will be giving up on my dream.  I feel as though I have to choose between what I want to do and what I need to do.  What’s more important:  my aspirations of being a writer or having health insurance?  And perhaps more importantly, why the hell should I have to choose?

The Elephant’s Name is Marlboro

If I’m going to examine the ways I can save money then I need to address the very expensive elephant in the room: smoking.  I know, I know.  Smoking is bad for me.  It’s an unattractive habit that will likely kill me eventually.  I know all of that.  Yet, I smoke.  Despite all of the warnings, despite the fact that I am all too aware of how unhealthy it is, I continue to smoke.  I’ve thought of all the reasons to quit.  But I’ve also thought of all the reasons not to quit. 

I will get fat.  Okay, so gaining a few pounds will likely be less harmful to me than smoking, but we don’t exactly live in a society that embraces chunky women.  My butt is already expanding and I’m still puffing away.  If I quit now, in my 40’s when middle age spread is already setting in, I’m liable to gain weight that I may never get back off.  People have told me that if I exercise I can mitigate the problem.  I tried that before in my early 30’s.  I quit smoking and immediately bought a gym membership and I used it.  I still gained weight.  I started smoking again six months later. 

The replacement crutches (nicotine gum, patches and lozenges) are about as expensive as smoking itself.  Throw in the fact that I will probably need more than one replacement method and I’m now spending more money than I would be if I continued to smoke.

Experts will tell you that trying to quit smoking while you’re going through a stressful period in your life is not a good idea.  Well, my boyfriend moved in with me in November (we are still adjusting to this change) and my job was downsized to part-time in January.  Aside from a family member getting really sick, I don’t think you can get much more stressful than that.  And speaking of someone getting sick; thanks to having been downsized, I’m living life without health insurance.  You can’t get more stressful than that!  Wait.  That may actually be a reason not to smoke.  I’ll have to think about that more later.    

But the biggest reason for not quitting is that I’m scared.  I have lived the vast majority of my life having those dirty, stinky, gross things next to me.  They have become my security blanket of sorts.  Cigarettes are what I turn to when I’m angry, stressed out, sad, happy, bored…  I’m not sure that I know how to live my life without a pack of Marlboro Lights – oops, I mean Marlboro Gold Pack – as my trusty companion.  What will I do when I’m stressed out about money if I don’t smoke?  They have become such a part of my life that I don’t even know what I would be like without them.  Will I become someone different?   

So there is the elephant in the room; I smoke.  It’s the thing that I hate to admit about myself.  It’s the thing that I’m afraid to live without.  I feel like I’m in a no-win situation.  I suppose the fact that I’m giving real consideration to why I smoke and that I do want to want to quit (yes, I want to want to quit) is a good sign.  But until I feel strong enough to wrestle the elephant and win, I’m just not sure if the savings is worth the price.

What’s for lunch today? Priorities.

Not unlike most offices, I have a few of coworkers who go out for lunch practically every day.  I’ve often wondered how they could afford to do that; not that I begrudge them the luxury, I just think it would get pretty expensive to eat out every day.  Then I would remember that they’re married; and therefore, they likely have more disposable income than I do. 

 As a perpetually single woman, there have been many times throughout my life when I’ve thought that having a husband would make things a lot easier.  Like the time that a large tree branch fell onto my roof and then bounced off leaving a hole in my roof.  Moving that branch was not easy!   Finding someone to fix the hole in my roof at a reasonable price was even more difficult.  Or there was the time that I went to my basement only to discover that I now had an indoor pool.  That would have been great if only it hadn’t been filled with backed up storm sewer water and it hadn’t ruined my water heater.  Whether it’s having the extra funds to go out for lunch or dealing with the cost of home repairs, there are definitely times when I’ve thought that having a partner to help shoulder the burden of maintaining a household would make life so much easier.  In theory anyway.  

 Recently my boyfriend and I decided that it was time to give cohabitating a try.  At about the same time, my friend was married in Las Vegas.  I was honored when she asked me to stand up with her.  Although I couldn’t really afford to go, I didn’t want to miss my best friend’s wedding.  So I sucked it, paid for the trip with a credit card and flew to Vegas.  (Paying for a trip with a credit card is not a good idea, I know, but that’s a story for another time.)    

Almost a month after her wedding, my friend and I were chatting about the difficulties of relationships.  After living alone for most of my adult life, I hadn’t expected living with someone to easy, but, as it turns out, it is even harder than I had expected.  Off handedly my friend noted that she thinks it was crazy when people change their relationship status to “it’s complicated” on Facebook.  “All relationships are complicated,” she said.  No kidding.   

Having a significant other doesn’t make everything better; it makes everything different.  Being married, having someone to shoulder the burden, doesn’t take away all the problems.  It may help with some financial strains, but isn’t money one of the primary reasons couples get divorced?  Not to mention the fact that it also opens up a whole new category of problems that have absolutely nothing to do with money. 

Okay, yes, I realize that this ‘revelation’ should be obvious.  And it is.  But when you’ve struggled making ends meet your whole life there are times when being able to eat out for lunch every day seems like a really nice idea.  It sounds trivial, I know, but our perceptions can become a bit skewed when we’re on the outside looking in.  The funny thing is that, after giving it some thought, I realized that even if money wasn’t a concern, I can think of many things that I’d rather buy with my hard earned dollars than lunch at a restaurant.  Luckily, I have great friends who are there to help me remember what’s really important in life and it’s not lunch.

The Situation

Sometimes I feel that I am destined to be poor.  Not poverty level poor, mind you, but constantly struggling to make ends meet.  Ever since I was a child, money has been an issue in my life.  My parents divorced when I was two years old.  My father, for whatever reason I still don’t know, was required to pay a very small amount of child support and my mother worked a full-time job with one, two, and sometimes three part-time jobs to support us.  When I was 15 years old, I went to the guidance counselor’s office at my high school to request a work permit and began working part-time at a local pizzeria.  And so began my career. 

 Over the years I slowly began working my way into, what I perceived to be, better jobs.  I went from the restaurant business to being a cashier at a grocery store.  From there I began working at a department store.  (Not the worst decision, but not the best either.  Way too much of my income went to clothes.  But hey, I got a discount.)  I was thrilled when I landed a job as a teller at my hometown bank.  I was 22 years old when I started that job.  For the first time I felt like I had a ‘real” job.  And that was when I started to get serious about college.  I went to community college and by the time I was 26 I had earned an associate degree in marketing.  Obviously I didn’t take the direct route through college, but I kept chipping away at it until I finally finished.  It wasn’t long after that I decided it was time to try my hand at the big city. 

 I moved to Des Moines when I was 27 years old.  I was lucky enough to transfer to another bank location (this was when the banking industry was going through multiple buyouts and the bank I worked for had been bought by a larger financial institution) working in the mortgage department.  While I made some good friends and gained experience, I wasn’t exactly getting rich.  In fact, I was barely scraping by.  When the bank I worked for was sold again I could see that I was very probably going to lose my job.  At that point I transitioned into the insurance industry.  There is a strong insurance presence in Des Moines and I truly thought this was going to be a good move for me.  There was just one problem; I hated it.  Still, I was able to pay my bills and, by 2004, I had increased my salary enough to feel secure in purchasing a house.  I’m pretty proud of that actually given that I am a single woman.  Our society seems to be set up for couples and families and living on one income is difficult, to say the least.  Shoot, these days living on two incomes is difficult!    But I did it; I had purchased a home all on my own.  I purchased my home in the middle of the housing bubble and had qualified for a loan that was 100% financing.  Thankfully, I was smart enough to buy a home that costs over $20,000 less than what the bank said I could afford.  I may not have had the husband or the kids, but I did have my own little piece of the American Dream. 

A small slice of the American Dream

And I had just purchased a whole new set of expenses as well.  But, with help from friends and family who knew what they were doing, I weather these financial setbacks and forged ahead with my life. 

 The next goal I decided to tackle was earning a bachelors degree.  I thought that having a four-year degree would afford me the opportunity to get that “great” paying job that I could actually enjoy and finally be free of constant financial stress.  Plus, it was personal goal for me.  I feel that education is very important and I really wanted to be able to say that I’d finished college.  Due to the cost, I struggled with the decision of whether to go back to college for years before finally deciding to bite the bullet and just do it.  In 2006, at the age of 36, I quit working full-time and reentered community college full time to earn yet another associate degree.  This time I majored in liberal studies so that I could transfer to a four-year university.  In the summer of 2007 I transferred to Drake University and in the summer of 2008 I graduated with a BA in English.  Yes, English.  I probably should have majored in business or computers or something like that given my goal of making more money, but alas, I chose an area that interested me rather than merely a means to end.  I continued to work part-time in order to pay the bills while I was going to school, but I had to pay for some of my living expenses (i.e. the house payment) out of my student loans.  Perhaps that wasn’t the best decision, but I made it and now I must live with the result. 

After graduation, in July 2008, I landed a job working for a nonprofit organization.  While it still wasn’t my dream job (I really didn’t know what my “dream job” was at that point), I was genuinely excited about this opportunity!    Once I settled into the position, I truly began to enjoy the work, and I still work there today.

 But, not unlike our economic climate as a whole, our organization went through a bit of a shift.  It was decided that, on January 1, 2011, my full-time job would became part-time.  Now let me just say that I truly believe that this change is for the best where my organization is concerned.  And, given that I truly care about the organization, I fully support this restructure.  I am also extremely grateful to my boss who made me, what I consider to be, a great part-time salary offer.  As a result, I was able to keep my job, working 24 hours a week rather than 40, and avoid the unemployment line.  Unfortunately, my salary did take an $11,000 a year hit.  Even so, I know that I am still better off than a lot of people today and I am not complaining. 

 But, I am going to have to make some financial changes in order to make ends meet.  In this blog I plan to explore the ways I can save money.  I realize that priorities will change and things I once considered a necessity will become a “want” rather than a “need.”  I also hope that by sharing my experiences in trying to save money that I can learn from all of you as well.  I realize that we all have financial concerns regardless of how much money we make and I’m sure that some of you have some wonderful bits of wisdom to share.